Pastafarian quotes

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Pastafarian quotes

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Pastafarian Quotes Video

Pastafarian Backs Down - Flying Spaghetti Monster

Although ultimately failing in his task, Bobby became a figurehead of Pastafarianism, uniting the religion around him.

It is estimated that there were only about 10 million Pastafarians at this point, growing rapidly with the help of their new-found prophet.

The first person to learn of His Noodliness was the heroic pirate, Captain Mosey of the good ship Lasagne. Born in Egypt , Mosey was the son of a sea cook, who was killed one day at sea by the vicious pirate king, Blackhook.

When Mosey learned of the death of his father, he built himself a raft and attempted to go after Blackhook himself; however, he came ashore on an island often frequented by the pirate king's crew and was caught off guard.

After taking Mosey hostage, Blackhook fed him a dinner of undercooked noodles with mead, sending Mosey into a delirious stupor.

At first seeing visions of elephants, strippers, and midgets, Mosey finally saw an image he would never forget: a giant monster, made of spaghetti, floating above a starry sea.

The monster approached Mosey and said to him, "Do not be afraid. I am your God. The monster soon revealed to Mosey that he had hid himself from the world on purpose, "so that they may not become incredulous at my appearing.

After being marooned on a deserted island by the pirates, Mosey took the initiative: he caught a couple of sea turtles and roped them together with hair from his back to make a raft.

He then traveled to the nearest port city, Cyrene, where he expounded to all the great vision he had had of the Flying Spaghetti Monster FSM.

The people, believing this to be a most holy sign, rose up against Blackhook when he next came to the port and destroyed his vast fleet of ships, killing Blackhook himself in the process.

Now free of their vicious tyrant, Mosey led the people, his new followers, to a nearby mountain, Mount Salsa, where, at the top, the FSM spoke to Mosey and gave him 10 stone tablets upon which the FSM's wishes were stated.

This is believed to be the reason behind his people's flimsy moral standards. Mosey's people became the first Pastafarians, and soon bought a vessel from the Roman Navy, which they deemed a missionary vessel, calling it Lasagne.

They began roaming the seas, storming vessels and kidnapping young Romans to be converted; if they did not accept, they would be held for ransom at a ridiculously low price, which no one ever challenged.

Sadly, this would be the cause of Mosey's downfall. As a young man, Julius Caesar planned on taking a trip to Greece by sea.

Unfortunately for him, the Pastafarians seized control of the vessel he was on in 75 BC Pastafarian Year 1 , kidnapped Caesar, and held him for ransom.

Caesar was insulted at the ransom demand, which was insultingly low, and promised to crucify the crew of the Lasagne after he was free. At his insistence, Mosey raised the ransom demand to a level in accordance with his station: his friends quickly raised the sum.

After his freedom was purchased, he assembled a small army, which captured Mosey, along with a few of his closest friends, and crucified him.

They then dismantled the Lasagne and sold it for scrap. According to the prophet Ragu, one of those who evaded Caesar's forces, Mosey's last words were, "Die, sir?

Why, that's the last thing I'll do! Ragu The great prophet Ragu, the One True Heir to the prophet Mosey, was born in the port city of Cyrene to a local farmer, who raised him to follow in his footsteps.

Ragu, however, could not function in normal society, being plagued with epileptic fits that constantly ostracized him from the community.

At the age of ten, Ragu was part of a miracle performed by the pirate Mosey, who had just arrived in Cyrene and was preaching the good news of the FSM.

As a sign, Mosey touched the boy's head with some wet noodles that had been dipped in sauce blessed through the FSM; Ragu's epilepsy never returned.

He soon became a devout follower of the pirate, inspiring the people to rise up against the pirate king Blackhook when next he came to Cyrene. At nearly all of his religion's greatest moments, Ragu was there.

When Mosey went up to the top of Mt. Salsa to receive to word from the FSM, Ragu was there, keeping the people calm with words of wisdom.

When it came time for Mosey to buy a missionary vessel, Ragu selected the one they would use, even christening it Lasagne. After 12 years at sea, Ragu was one of those who survived the attack on the Pastafarian vessel, soon becoming the spiritual leader of this group of people as well.

After composing a number of prayers to the FSM, Ragu led his people off the shores of the Mediterranean and into what is now Saudi Arabia, wandering through the desert and most of Iran for 47 years until they finally reached the foot of the Himalayas, at which point they began to build the holy city of Hanuwumdra.

In AD 26 Pastafarian Year , at the ripe old age of , after having completed directing the building of Hanuwumdra and having composed over hymns and prayers since the burning of the Lasagne, Ragu died, promising on his deathbed that "a Chosen Linguini shall come At that moment, Ragu died, leaving his prophecy unfinished.

To this day, most sects of Pastafarianism await the time of this Chosen Linguini, hoping they will know him when he comes.

Another sect, however, believes that he has already come and gone, in the personage of one of the religion's most famous disciples: Ishmali Camuwundra.

At the time, the city of Hanuwumdra was being built, and his father was one of the workers at the city. Whilst living there, he became indoctrinated, and quickly spread his new-found belief in the FSM to his son.

In his youth, Ishmali would stay up many nights, writing on parchments of new ways to glorify the Flying Spaghetti Monster. When Ishmali was eight, his father was killed when the gold dome of the Temple of the FSM collapsed in as workers were constructing the altar.

Subsequently, since he no longer had any family to speak of, Ishmali was taken in by the aging religious leader Ragu, who taught him the sacred ideals of the FSM.

And Ishmali grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with the Flying Spaghetti Monster and men. Just as the city of Hanuwumdra was finally completed, and just as Ishmali turned 33, his mentor Ragu died after a long illness.

On his deathbed, Ragu predicted the coming of a Chosen Linguini, whom the people would know when he came, but the old prophet died before he could say the name of the coming one.

Consequently, there was much discussion as to whom this Chosen Linguini could be. After much debate, and suggestions that it could be the late prophet Mosey or the Pastafarian community as a whole, a few members of the faith began to feel that Ishmali Camuwundra might be the correct candidate.

The reasons for this were plausible: Ishmali had always been a loyal follower of the FSM, and had authored many tracts about the good the FSM did.

He was a faithful pupil of Ragu, and had been named as one of the candidates to succeed the old prophet as religious head of the community upon Ragu's death.

He even became popular enough to be known by name to all in the city of Hanuwumdra. But it didn't become obvious for some until Ishmali came out of his day seclusion after Ragu's death.

Over the course of a single month, there had occurred a startling change in the young man's appearance: he had grown gaunt and pale, his striking brown eyes had grown jaundiced and glassy, and, most striking of all, his luxurious jet-black hair had turned the color of pasta.

This was enough for some to start praising him as the Chosen Linguini. Ishmali, however, did not make any announcements.

He said not a word about his supposed messiah-dom, but instead continued to live life as if it were uninterrupted. If a woman shouted, "Oh, Chosen Linguini!

If a man knelt before him in the street and begged Ishmali to bless him, he would just pat the man on the head and walk away; the man left marveling over the wonderful sagacity of the Chosen Linguini.

Alas; even though Ishmali did nothing, the incessant worship of him by the people was enough to send the city's new religious leader, Subh-i-Wayh, into a frenzy.

Fearing for his position, he ordered Ishmali arrested. At the dawn of the day following his arrest, Ishmali was led out to a large pot, where he was laid in.

Everyone will someday be judged for what they do, and Jah is the only judge. Enlightened leadership is spiritual if we understand spirituality not as some kind of religious dogma or ideology but as the domain of awareness where we experience values like truth, goodness, beauty, love and compassion, and also intuition, creativity, insight and focused attention.

Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy.

Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live! This world was not created piecemeal. Africa was born no later and no earlier than any other geographical area on this globe.

Africans, no more and no less than other men, possess all human attributes, talents and deficiencies, virtues and faults.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds. Just because you are happy it does not mean that the day is perfect but that you have looked beyond its imperfections.

Life and Jah are one in the same. Jah is the gift of existence. I am in some way eternal, I will never be duplicated. The singularity of every man and woman is Jah's gift.

What we struggle to make of it is our sole gift to Jah. The process of what that struggle becomes, in time, the truth. Rastafarianism isn't recognized my the prison service, shall I register you as null religion.

A Rasta is someone who has been elected and who is making his calling and election sure to enter, holy Zion! Not every Rasta knows he is Rasta yet, but eventually he will have no choice but to know.

Born Rasta's have spiritually inherited the values and beliefs of what it means to be Rastafari. In Rastafari we value respect and show love.

Rastafari is a spiritual way of life, not a religion. Released in March by Villard Books , The Gospel elaborates on Pastafarian beliefs and practices established in the open letter.

The Gospel includes a creation myth , set of eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts", and guide to evangelizing , and discusses history and lifestyle from a Pastafarian perspective.

Henderson uses satire to show flaws with creationism and prove the Flying Spaghetti Monster, offering an alternative to the intelligent design movement in the process.

The book, which has sold more than , copies, [3] was generally well received. In , Bobby Henderson, then a year-old Oregon State University physics graduate, parodied the concept of intelligent design by professing belief in a Flying Spaghetti Monster in an open letter to the Kansas State Board of Education.

I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

In May, having received no reply from the Kansas State Board of Education, Henderson posted the letter on his website.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster became a symbol for the case against intelligent design in public education. According to Henderson, newspaper articles attracted the attention of book publishers; at one point, six publishers were interested in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

The book is necessary so that people see how much hard evidence supports the existence of the FSM. You can make a pretty strong argument for His existence.

Especially if you use the same sort of reasoning the [intelligent design] people do: specious reasoning and circular logic.

The Gospel presents the tenets of Pastafarianism—often satires of creationism —elaborating on the "beliefs" established in the open letter.

He provides further "evidence" of this relationship with the observation "that many people dress up as pirates for Halloween, and the months following October 31 are generally cooler than those that precede it.

The book urges readers to try Pastafarianism for 30 days, saying, "If you don't like us, your old religion will most likely take you back. The Gospel begins with the creation of the universe by an invisible and undetectable Flying Spaghetti Monster.

This creation, "claimed" by Pastafarians to be only 5, years ago, would be considered laughable by many scientists. The book contains the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts", adherence to which enables Pastafarians to ascend to heaven, which includes a stripper factory and beer volcano.

Scientific American described The Gospel as "an elaborate spoof on Intelligent Design" and "very funny". In , it was nominated for the Quill Award in Humor but did not win.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Book by Bobby Henderson, containing the main beliefs of the parody religion Pastafarianism. Dewey Decimal.

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Community Reviews. Sep 20, Als M. These have been placed there to test the reader's faith. Pastafarian quotes

Pastafarian Quotes Video

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